I never really understood what self-care meant until somewhat recently. If I woke up, brushed my teeth, showered daily (ok, sometimes every other day), and ate to fuel myself - wasn't that enough self-care? In a way, yes, that is taking care of my minimal needs as a human in society today. But that does not even begin to cover the kind of self-care I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the self-care that fuels your soul, not just your body. The self-care that relaxes you like nothing else, makes you feel nourished, whole, and ready to give love back into the world. Seem too lofty to achieve? I'm telling you - it's possible, and it will take your happiness to a whole new level.
Let's start with this thought (it's the one that made me realize how true self-care makes me feel). How do you feel on your birthday? I know, birthdays are sometimes stressful and oftentimes people hate them because they don't like to be reminded of their impending mortality. But what if you just thought of your most perfect day: What would you be doing? Who would you be with? What would you be eating? How would you be feeling? And then imagine this perfect day happens to fall on your birthday (a day to celebrate you), with no outside stressors involved. Just you and your perfect day and anyone who YOU choose to be involved in this happiness.
When I first thought about this, here's how I decided my day would go:
1) Wake up (without an alarm) feeling well-rested and happy (because happiness is a choice, after all).
2) Slowly get ready for my day - brush my teeth, put on an outfit that makes me feel my best, go through my usual skincare and light makeup routine.
3) Go on a beautiful stroll outside with my boyfriend to our local coffee shop. Take the longer route, the one that allows us to walk alongside the water. Get an almond milk latte and a yummy chocolate chip sea salt cookie to split. Enjoy the said latte and cookie on a bench outside, talking, laughing, soaking in the sunshine.
4) Walk back home. Meet up with my mom to get a manicure at our favorite all-natural salon, Jin Soon. Have thoughtful conversation - reminisce on growing up, catch up with each other, talk about fun future plans.
5) Come home to my bright apartment and throw together a delicious, nourishing meal for me, my boyfriend, mom, dad, brother and brother's girlfriend. If cooking doesn't feel like something I want to do, order in from one of our favorite spots and feast on this lovely lunch together.
6) Relax on the couch with my favorite people by my side. It's been a busy morning, and sitting and recharging feels right this afternoon. Once my family leaves, I enjoy some me-time. I light my favorite candle, put on a face mask, and either listen to a podcast I love or browse through a wellness book.
7) A few hours later, throw on some (all-natural) lip color, freshen up, and head out to an early dinner with my best girlfriends. Be fully present while at dinner - enjoy the company, the food I'm eating, and appreciate the place we are in now.
8) Come home after dinner. Wash my face and put on my favorite face oil. Snuggle up on the couch with my boyfriend and put on a TV show we both enjoy (current favorites: Big Little Lies, This is Us, Santa Clarita Diet, Girls). While we are watching, we snack on healthy goodies - for me, it's most likely chocolate coconut butter cups and a kombucha.
Now, that may seem like a whole lot of activity in one day. And truth be told - it is! Although this list contains many of my favorite activities, I would not try to (nor would I be able to) go through this exact day every single day. Sometimes my favorite days consist of only doing one of the things I listed above. And sometimes I have the best days when I do none of the above, and instead listen to what my body and mind need and want. Similar to eating, your intuition will guide you to partake in your ideal self-care on any specific day. Listen to what your intuition is telling you, because it is smarter than you think. A trick to begin this process is to figure out what makes you happy and what makes you feel both at peace and excited at the same time. Once you pinpoint these activities, people, or things that contribute to this feeling, start to incorporate these into your daily life as much as you can. It is also important to note that self-care does not need to involve a ton of planning, money, or even time. Most of the things that make me the happiest are simple: spending quality time with people I love, savoring a yummy drink or snack, or having some me-time on the couch. One key to happiness is finding pleasure and excitement in the little things. Allow the small things that happen (or you make happen) each day in your life to shape your positive well-being.
I attended a talk at Follain last month where Jessa Blades spoke about self-care and how it can truly heal your body. One of her tips was to add more fun to your life. Fun can take many forms and does not mean you have to go running off to an amusement park (which sounds like a nightmare to me, but each person is different). It can be as simple as buying pretty edible flowers to throw on top of your morning smoothie, dancing to your favorite song when no one is watching, or using a brush to apply your face mask instead of your fingers for an in-home spa-like experience. Write down what sounds fun to you, and spark your happiness using this list. I can almost guarantee that if you do those things, your body will feel lighter and the world will seem a bit brighter.
Self-care at its core is taking care of yourself. But taking care of yourself goes way beyond basic needs - as society becomes more complex and so do we, we owe ourselves some introspection to realize what makes us happy. Take some time to recognize these things and do them often. We all deserve to feel nourished, whole and happy - the good news is that you have all of the power in your own hands to do so.
xx